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Halloween lessons learned from celebrities – when you don’t have a creative bone in your body and can’t come up with a fun, interesting costume, dress like a slut! Because, as Mean Girls says, it is the one day of the year that girls can get away with dressing like total whores and nobody can say anything about it.
That must have been what happened to these women:
[Tracy Bingham]
[Kim Kardashian]
[Mariah Carey]
[Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt]
Sigh. We get it ladies. Now put your (large, probably fake) boobs away please.
Oh, and Heidi? Shoot him.
**photos from thesuperficial.com
Ok, they were annoying before, but Speidi (Spencer Pratt + Heidi Montag) just made it on my HATE list.
Spencer’s shirt reads: “Palin for VP – God, Guns, Glory”
Heidi’s shirt reads: “Read my lipstick- Vote McCain Palin”
Somebody is going to physically hurt them for this little stunt. And I’m not saying it’s going to be me, but in case the headlines tomorrow read “SPENCER AND HEIDI ATTACKED BY CRAZY BRUNETTE WITH DESK SCISSORS AND A STAPLE REMOVER” (not my weapons of choice, but the ones I have easy access to at the moment), I will have fled the country and this blog will cease to exist. I’m willing to sacrifice myself for the greater good of living in a world where there is no Speidi.
Huh. This surprises me since I didn’t know either of them could read. Maybe they tried but got confused and decided to make out instead. That sounds about right.
*UPDATE (10 minutes after posting): Oh wait, there’s more…
Shit, Spencer must’ve heard I was coming at him with desk supply weapons because HE GOT HIMSELF A GUN. I guess I’ll have to swing by the house and pick up my remote mines, rocket launcher, and laser gun before heading to Los Angeles.
And, yes, I used to play a lot of Nintendo 64’s James Bond: GoldenEye.
**photos from celebslam.celebuzz.com
If you’re an avid Hills fan like myself and Mary Frances (HA, I just totally called you out), you are well aware of how annoying Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are. They are completely fake and only do things for publicity and photography’s sake. And if you’re thinking, ‘Duh, Liz. Celebrities are always being photographed, it’s part of their job,’ allow me explain. These two don’t just get candid paparazzi photos snapped while they rush to their cars or venture out to go shopping. They get their hair and makeup done and go POSE for the photos.
1. Heidi and Spencer at the beach:
Anyone who’s ever done theater knows what a stage kiss is and THIS IS IT. When I go to the beach with my boyfriend I’m usually passed out on a beach blanket with a towel over my face or doing sudoku or trying to get sand out of my swimsuit. I do not pose like I’m on the cover of a romance novel with straightened hair and a face full of makeup.
OMFG PLEASE STOP NOW. We get how teensy and blonde and adorable you are, Heidi, but seriously?? This makes me sick to my stomach.
But kudos to Spencer for lifting those huge implants up.
2. Heidi and Spencer boating:
Yeah, me too guys. I totally see how much it makes sense to have 85 pound Heidi be the one rowing here. Also, great hair! Is the stylist sitting in the front of the canoe? And you all have really perfected that staged kiss (psst, Heidi! Close your eyes! It makes you look more believable).
3. Heidi and Spencer visit our nation’s capital:
Can’t you just see a bunch of tourists flashing photos of them and little kids pulling on their mothers’ jackets and saying “MOM, look! It’s Barbie and Ken!!!” And would Heidi really walk around in those shoes? I think not.
4. Heidi and Spencer AT THE BANK ATM:
Jesus H. I don’t believe them. Everyday errands suddenly become spectacular opportunities for public makeout photoshoot sessions!
5. Heidi and Spencer feeling, um, festive:
Is it reallyappropriate to do this during the day at a place where children frequent? Not only do the kids get perfectly orange pumpkins to carve for Halloween, they also get to learn how babies are made. Weee! What a magical time for parents to have to explain the birds and bees. Thanks, Speidi!
I’m sorry for making you want to throw up your lunch, but it had to be shared. Enjoy your weekend and stay away from pumpkin patches. Apparently they’re the new place to get busy.
**photos from people.com, denimblog.com
SPENCER: we’re too self-centered
to wear hairnets. sorry you
have to throw this out
HEIDI: I hope my extra
shiny lipgloss impresses
these homeless people
[more hilarious photos of heidi and spencer “volunteering“]
incarceration
changed martha’s opinions of
normal sized wieners
**photos from people.com
CELEBRITASTIC 
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