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Lindsay Lohan is headed for another rehab clinic and/or psychiatric ward. 

Lindsay is pretty much surviving off Red Bull, coffee and cigarettes, is hardly sleeping and making strange phone-calls at odd hours of the night. All that combined with the stress of her rocky relationship with Ronson is clearly taking its toll in a dangerous way…”

Lindsay Lohan

“‘…she looks very thin in her recent photos,” said Kenneth Best, D.C. of FBE Holistic Health and Fitness Center in West Hollywood. “She has possibly lost a lot of weight from nerves, and lack of sleep can put a person on overdrive where their body doesn’t have sufficient time rebuild and rejuvenate itself. The body begins breaking down its lean muscle mass for fuel and the person not only looks thin but ravaged.’” (FOXnews.com)

Lindsay Lohan

 

“…Lindsay heard that Chace Crawford [Gossip Girl star] and Emile Hirsch [actor] were hanging out at Southern Hospitality for drinks…she showed up uninvited and unannounced. She caused quite a scene so Chace left to go back to his place for some more fun….”

Lindsay Lohan

“‘…Lindsay showed up uninvited to Chace’s apartment and was not allowed in,” the source reveals, adding that she instead headed to the airport to fly home to [Samantha Ronson]. “ (Ok! Magazine)

Yikes. 

Someone needs to step in and help this poor girl out. I mean, I know she’s annoying and all but there’s obviously something very wrong with her. I am worried for what’s going to happen if she doesn’t change these self-destructive activities soon.

That was my sympathetic cry for help for Lindsay. Now that that’s over, I can get back to being mostly sarcastic and rude. Phew. Being nice is exhausting!

 

**photos from idontlikeyouinthatway.com, thesuperficial.com

 

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These crazy kids just can’t stop fighting lately! Could it be because an overly intelligent blogger named Liz recently predicted that their breakup is inevitable? Here’s the latest battle between Samantha and Lindsay:

“We hear that things got pretty tense at London’s Boujis Wednesday night after DJ Samantha Ronson spied her lover Lindsay Lohan chilling with her former squeeze Calum Best.

According to eyewitnesses, Sam was leaning into her cocktails when she saw Lindsay on the dance floor with the former model. Calum is said to have been the one who came over to her and Lindsay was enjoying the attention — and the flirting.

Sam is said to have gotten so angry that the two gals had to be restrained to keep them from beating on each other.”

[from radaronline.com story]

I had to google “Calum Best” because I had no recollection of him. I got tons of results with his name and the words ‘cocaine,’ ‘hookers,’ ‘sex tape,’ ‘orgies.’ Oh, and this lovely photo:

 

Seems like an upstanding young man.

I can’t believe I’m about to type this, but Lindsay is better off with Samantha. Kiss and make up, ladies.

 

**photos from thesuperficial.com, popcornnation.com

Remember when I made the prediction that Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson would be breaking up soon? Check it out, suckers:

“Lindsay and Sam had a huge bust up last week at Pure night club in Las Vegas. Lindsay was flirting with a guy and Sam was ballistic. Lindsay says she loves Sam more than anything but she just can’t help that she is attracted to the opposite sex. She thinks that they should come to some sort of understanding. Lindsay wants an open relationship where she can explore her heterosexuality without feeling guilty or sneaking around.” [from The Sun]

First step, open relationship from lesbian lover. Second step, dumping terrifying she-man for real men…

Ahh, young love.  

Oh, sweet fancy Jesus…THIS must be where Lindsay Lohan learned that “I will put my cigarette out in your eyeball then continue to smoke it, bitches” glare from the previous post.

samantha_ronson1

HOLY CRAP. She actually looks like she’s going to hunt me down with a homemade pipe bomb or chase me screaming through darkened alleyways while brandishing a dagger in her teeth.

Or maybe someone just reminded her that she’s still dating Lindsay Lohan.

**photo from evilbeetgossip.com

Alright, everyone. I want it on record that you heard this prediction HERE first. It’s really life-altering and maybe even more important than today’s election…

Samantha Ronson and Lindsay Lohan will be broken up in a matter of weeks. I’m giving it two months, tops.

What? But Liz, they are just SO perfect together what with the smoking and not showering and all, how can you say such horrid things? Well, sweet readers, I think Samantha’s over all the publicity bullshit and attitude that Lindsay apparently throws around at movie sets and in her everyday life. And that sort of makes me like her a little bit. At least this picture makes me smile because I imagine this is how I’d feel all the time if I was dating Lindsay Lohan.

WAITING GAME photo | Lindsay Lohan

Roll those eyes, honey. Nobody would blame you for walking away at any time.

Oh, and thanks for the hat. We don’t want to see that dirty hair anymore, ok?

 

**photo from people.com

I love Britney, MaryKate (I like it better with no space, not really sure why but just go with it), and Ashley, if you already couldn’t tell from recent Guilty Pleasure Friday posts. I love them for, well, many reasons but one certainly is the way they always attract tons of media attention resulting in tons of photographs. And in these photographs they look ridiculous a lot of the time. Take for example…

   

Shh, nobody tell Britney that mesh went out of style a few decades ago. And underwear as outwear? Yikes. It’s just a hunch, but I don’t think she’s attracting the right kind of attention from these ensembles.

 

These either. Let’s just say that this past year hasn’t been Brit’s best year. And that’s being incredibly gracious, and good God I hope I can get these visuals out of my head soon or else we’re looking at a long day people. Happily, like when a long, harsh winter slowly begins to thaw into spring, Ms. Spears’ insane clothing choices are melting away and revealing nicer, more flattering outfits.

 

And once again, there is hope in the world.

Now, MaryKate and Ashley aren’t quite the train wrecks that Brit has been. They go for a more homeless, messy style of clothes and makeup best described by GoFugYourself blogger as “walk of shame” chic. I usually think “Hm, she looks like a crazy bag lady” or “Did they throw on everything they own at once?” when I see their candids.

And the hair and makeup can get very ugly, very quickly (it’s usually MaryKate’s fault, let’s blame her).

   

However, in this recent photo (at the launch of their new clothing line) the twinlettes look clean and pretty and like they might have made an effort for once! 

I know it’s too much to ask that they really show any signs of happiness, but I’m just SO glad they showered and did their hair! Otherwise they were in danger of looking like Samantha Ronson, and that is just NOT OK.

 

**photos from thefashionpolice.net, people.com, perezhilton.com, fresnobeehive.com

The “Things I Wish I Liked (but don’t)” list that pertains to my own life is posted at my other blog, but now you can get the pimped-out, Celebrity bedazzled version of this post HERE (limited time only, prices void where prohibited)! Enjoy it and try not to judge me for my opinions.

1. Austin Powers 1, 2, 3…however many there are now – I just can’t get into them. I actually don’t tell many people this because 1-the jokes are sort of old at this point that it doesn’t come up in conversation like it used to, and 2-people really thought it was legitimately funny (really, everyone?) and don’t understand why I don’t. I vividly remember sitting on a bus headed to my middle school ski trip with my classmates while the first Austin Powers movie was playing, and I was baffled that everyone was laughing. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good silly, slapstick comedy (hey, Robin Hood: Men in Tights), but I just cannot handle these. I sort of don’t want to even include a photo but (ugh) I guess I will…

[Yikes]

And I wish I liked the damn movies because everybody else seems to, and then I could do all movie quotes along with them.

2. MTV – Except for The Hills, which is fake, but nevertheless my own form of crack addiction (t.v. show addiction is much healthier…try it for a change, Amy Winehouse), most MTV shows today are just awful. A Shot at Love with Tela Tequila? Paris Hilton’s My New BFF? My Super Sweet Sixteen? NEXT? Sex With Mom and Dad (yes, it’s a real show where young girls tell their parents they’re having sex and they all embark on sex-related, ice-breaker games, and mom inevitably acts like a prostitute to appear young, hip and relate-able, and the dad looks murderous, especially when they bring in the boyfriend)?

WE GET IT. Sex sells. But do we really want to expose teenagers to this behavior every second of every day? I remember the good old days when MTV actually was Music Television and when The Real World wasn’t a porno. I wish it would return because then I would like it again.

 

3. Lindsay Lohan’s “special friend” Samantha Ronson – I don’t care if Lindsay likes girls or boys or farm animals for that matter. I just dislike Samantha because of the hat,

 the hair,

 the annoying way she poses,

and the fact that she’s so adverse to showering. Ever. And I so wish I liked her because it seems like she’s always being photographed. Sigh.

 

**photos from popdish.com, evilbeetgossip.com