Ahhh, Friday. The most glorious of all days. The sun shines brighter, the birds chirp louder, and the alcohol flows freely (or else, it will closer towards evening when my roommate and I head out to dance the night away). And although Fridays do put an extra special bounce in my Old-Navy-flip-flopped step, there are a few storm clouds on my otherwise sunny horizon that I need to address: Poorly Paired Celebrity Couples.

Yes, I KNOW that this topic keeps you awake at night too, grinding your teeth, rocking back and forth slowly muttering “What the HELL, TomKat? Brangelina? UGH”…and then you have to slap yourself because you’ve wasted brain cells and perfectly good sleep time AND because you’re combining celebrity couples’ names – which is so freaking annoying and needs to stop immediately (I blame Ryan Seacrest, even though I’m not quite sure it’s his fault…it’s just amusing to blame him for all of the world’s problems). 

So, thanks to the brilliant suggestion from a close friend of mine, let’s suspend reality for a few fleeting moments.

 

Guilty Pleasure Friday: Get Back Together, Please!

1. Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears – Pop Music Royalty

The world may have been a better place if these two had just worked out their problems and stayed together. They were practically engineered for each other; God/Buddha/Whoever did a coordinating paint-by-numbers from the PopStars collection and procured its Prince and Princess in J.T. and BritBrit. If they got back together, she could probably hold onto a shred of sanity, a decent hair weave, and at least partial custody of her kids. Justin would stop being so brooding and serious and could help Britney out by doing another duet to showcase his mad beatbox skills. Oh, how I hope to one day live in a world where Justin and Britney are once again united by unconditional love, laughter, and matching denim outfits.

  

2. Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt – Hollywood’s Golden Couple

I still think that their break up is a publicity stunt. I’ll wake up Monday and the headlines will read: Too Perfect Together To Ever Be Apart. I mean, come on you guys! It’s been years and people (well, me) are still not over your divorce. Brad, yes, Angelina Jolie seems incredibly hard to resist, what with the piercing blue eyes, amazing tattooed body, and those infamous lips, but even you must admit she’s a shady character. She used to wear Billy Bob’s blood in a vial around her neck, admitted to collecting and having a (sometimes sexual) fascination with knives, and made out with her brother on many occasions. I know she’s practically a Saint these days, but WOW that’s a LOT of baggage. Wouldn’t you rather be with sweet, down-to-earth, naturally gorgeous Jennifer?

And, Jen, hang in there. I bet when Angelina is trying to convince Brad to adopt and save their 27th child he’s just going to throw up his hands and say “ENOUGH. I did NOT sign up for this,” and come running back to you.

 

3. Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson – Beauty and No Brains

I’m going to admit it once and for all, I miss Newlyweds. These two, while sometimes gross and lots of time idiotic, were supremely entertaining together. Jessica sang her best songs and looked fantastic; Nick drank a lot of beer and got invited to Playboy Mansion Parties. What a great combination! Since then, Jess has had no career to speak of and Nick has still been working out and probably still drinking lots of beer. I know he is dating that pretty Vanessa girl, but their relationship just seems so ‘eh’ and boring – just two attractive people who photograph well together and always seem to be wearing swimsuits. Nick, where’s the passion? The steamy music videos? The tank tops??? Get back together with Jessica before she completely collapses in on herself like a dying star. Then maybe you could try to launch your solo career again…

Hahaha, kidding. Please don’t.

 

4. Katie Holmes and well, anybody else…

    

Don’t get me wrong, I would LOVE, LOVE, LOVE for Katie Holmes to get back together with Joshua Jackson (who wouldn’t?), but in all honesty, I would LOVE for Katie Holmes to get with anybody other than Tom “crazy eyes” Cruise. Besides, she and Josh dated only briefly while filming the first 2 seasons of Dawson’s Creek, and that was quite some time ago. Who knows if it would really happen again?

Then again, Katie dated and was engaged to Chris Klein for years. I don’t really know much about their relationship but their couple-y pictures seem lovely, normal, and socially acceptable (all the missing pieces of her current relationship). So, Katie, for the love of Buddha, just pick somebody else. Being with Tom makes you look dead inside, makes you dress in really bad clothes, and makes you look like a giant.

You want another reason? Here. This photo is making EVERYBODY UNCOMFORTABLE:

 

YIKES.

 

*Update – I JUST noticed that not only is Tom Cruise totally creepy beyond all reason but he is soaking wet. What IS that, sweat? Like Katie needs ANOTHER reason to leave him. Ew.

 

**photos from people.com, timeinc.com, nsyncfans.com

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