T-Pain owns 22 cars. His most recent addition is a souped up 1991 Cadillac hearse. Yes, a hearse. He has installed speakers and TV’s in the coffin-carrying area and painted the whole monstrosity traffic-cone orange. I somehow feel that this is incredibly disrespectful to whomever (whoever? I never know) was previously transported in it. Picture this, if you will…

 Beloved Great Uncle Ted peacefully passes away in his sleep at the ripe old age of 97. He loved the Kennedy family, had a sweet tooth for sugar-free jellybeans (all except the green ones), and always carried around a hanky embroidered with his dear old dad’s initials. Your family travels from far and wide to mourn his death. Tears are shed and bittersweet stories are shared at the crowded funeral. The stately hearse led the procession with two little American flags waving from the front windows (Teddy was nothing if not a proud supporter of his country) and at the end of it all, everyone remarked on how it was exactly what he would’ve wanted…

 And then, this ass-wipe, wearing a freakin’ clown outfit and top hat, buys the handsome hearse that sweet, old Uncle Ted was led to his final resting place in, pimps it out, and then lacks enough tact to refrain from announcing that he had to “Febreeze the hell out of it.” Seriously?

I think Ted and his family would be HELLA-PISSED.

Although, if Great Uncle Ted had been a kooky old guy with a great sense of humor (always used foul language at family functions) and who was always kind of a bad-ass (slipped you your first sip of Bourbon at your middle school graduation, was the only guy at his nursing home who had dirty magazines under his mattress) then he’s probably wheezing and laughing somewhere thinking this is the best deal he could’ve gotten in the after-life.

 

 

**photo from people.com

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