Dear Lauren Conrad,

I’ve watched you on MTV since the Laguna Beach days. Aside from being a tad pushy and a bit judgemental, I like you. And, because I like you, I was able to accept that The Hills is a little prefabricated. Yes, I’m sure the scenes are staged. I’m sure you’re told where to eat lunch, what cute dress to put on, and how to sit so the natural light hits your blond highlights so they sparkle just the right way…but whatever. I still get caught up in the drama.

HOWEVER, I’m learning just how fake the whole show, nay, your whole LIFE really is. My first clue? They HIRED Audrina to play your new Los Angeles friend. Yep. Some studio guy found her lounging by a pool and asked if she’d like to be on a TV show. My second clue? It seems doubtful that you, Audrina and Lo even live in that Los Angeles house. You just use it to film.



P.S. Oh and congrats on your “clothing line.” I’m sure you really drafted all the designs, spent sleepless nights sewing hems and did more than just stamp your name on the products.

P.P.S. Good luck on that book deal you just signed. I’m sure your stories will be totally original and profound and, wait, what? The books are going to be about a young woman who moves to L.A. and becomes a reality show star? Nevermind.


**photo from